Some of the major aspects of our daily/business life, that we have lost in a post-COVID world, are the social interactions that take place in the office. One of the little recognized benefits of going to the office are the informal “therapy” sessions we share with friend and colleagues. For a lot of people, going into the office is a time one could share stories about partners, family, hobbies, sports, weekend, manager or colleagues with folks in the office. Much like the story-like image of the bartender, our co-workers are people, that we can share troubles with and seek advice from. These are people that we’re close to, but not intimate with. Someone it feels safe and not threatening to reveal a little about our life. A 15 minute “therapy” session to vent about family or home life, is so helpful for our mental health.
Now who do you talk to about those things?
I remember when my children were young, my wife and I often swapped turns at being the parent that was home with the children and the one who left the house to go to work. Whichever one of us was at home would get so jealous of the other.
“But I had to go to work and you got to stay home.”
“Staying at home is just as hard.”
The arguments were an endless circle until my wife said, that when you leave the house and go to work you get to socialize with other people. I never realized how important those interactions were until she said that. For so many of us now, we’ve lost those interactions; and at a time when we need them more than ever.
Pre-COVID I was often accused of being too “to the point” during a meeting. I always figured that people’s time was precious and that friendly chitchat was a disrespectful waste of that time. It’s a common work cliché that there are too many meetings during the work week. I didn’t want to contribute to that, so I was very much “let’s get down to business and get out of here.” I figured we could get to know each other after the meeting or in a specified for “get to know you” rendezvous, like lunch or Happy Hour, but that “conference room meeting” time was to get work done.
Since March I reflect more on what my wife said about the little social interactions we get at work and when we go about our day. Now I make a conscious effort to ask the people I interact with, especially on the phone and especially if it’s a new relationship, how they are doing, how’s their family, where are they from, how’s their local sports team, or how was their weekend, or how are they handling this socially distanced world we live in. I do this for a few reasons; one, it helps me feel more connected to people and appreciate that there’s a person on the other end of the line, not just a transaction; two, it makes the other person feel good, they may not have had that social interaction because they’ve been working from home; and lastly it let’s the person know that I care about them for more than just their ability to deliver the transaction I called about. It helps both parties become engaged, our mindset is shifted into thinking about how we can help each other, instead of just performing a task.
Asking how someone’s day is or how their weekend was, isn’t just polite, it’s essential. Learning to communicate in the human language of understanding is important. Also remembering that communication is a two way street is equally important. Those of you that have worked with me know that if you ask how I’m doing, I’m going to tell you. I’ll say “Good, thank” and move on if I’m good, but most likely I’ll tell you something more specific and personal about how I’m doing. I want to connect with you. I want you to feel like I trust you and you can trust me. If I share something about my sons’ baseball teams or time in college, it’s because I appreciate you asking. I want you to know there’s more to me than just the job, and I want to know more about you. If we can see each other for more than just the project, for more than just our expertise, as more than just the other party in the contract, then we can trust each other to get through any issues that may arise on the project.
The nuance of language is so much more than the words we speak. Our tone, our facial expressions and our body language communicates so much of what the message truly is. Those signals can be lost on the phone, over a Zoom meeting, and especially through email. With our physical meeting time limited, it’s more important than ever to be clear in our message. Part of that message will always be more than just the task or transaction.
A little empathy goes a long way. We’re all in this together and we’re all trying to figure it out as we go. I hope you are well. I hope you have a great day. I hope you ask someone how there day is, listen to their response and tell them how you are too.
Have a great day!